Saturday, May 10, 2008

Still Breathing.. Inhale...Ex-hale

Yes I am still here, taking deep breaths all day to get me through the days. Angela still not talking to me, yet I still found it in myself to be gracious and include my kids in a grandchild photo for her for mother's day tomorrow. I really wanted to say to Kim that "why should I when she isn't even talking to us", but if none of this had happened I would have thought it to be a lovely idea so I took (another) deep breath and said yes, they could even do at my house. This is the photo we ended up with....

From left to right we have Spencer and Samantha, Jessica (the golden one) and Skye. Jessica's mum and dad informed us the other day that they are expecting their 2nd child in December.

Having some serious issues with Spencer at the moment, ok if I'm honest we have had them since we moved here, and slightly milder before I moved over to Australia. He has never really shown me respect and that has gotten worse and now he argues with us, answers back to us, gets very angry indeed and has now started swearing at his teacher!! We have asked his dad if can help us sort him out, not that he can do much from NZ but he is Spen's idol and just knowing that his dad knows exactly what he is up to may curb some of the bad behaviour. It is getting to the point that we fight almost every day and I end up in tears at least once a week. The last couple of weeks have been really bad and I'm desperately fighting some serious depression!!! I don't want to get out of bed in the mornings and feel like I'm walking on tip toes waiting to break down at the slightest thing, not a nice feeling. But as I said I'm fighting it! I'm standing on the edge of the black hole, and hopefully can give it the finger and walk away from it soon. We have planned a picnic tomorrow for Mother's day, just me, David and the kids, Spen helped me prepare most of it this evening, we had a good time together.

I would love to share with you what we are having for picnic but I will wait until my next post so I can include photos as well.

To all mums out there, have a wonderful Mother's Day and love your kids with all your heart because who knows how long we have them for. And to my mum... I miss you so very much and I love you from the bottom of my heart xxx You have made me the person I am today and I thank you for everything you have done for me over the last 36 years.

1 comment:

Papoosue said...

Awww Pauline... I'm sorry you are having such a rotten time. I can sympathise with the depression feelings certainly - have had clinical depression in the past and still fight it on a daily basis so I know how that goes :-( But, it does get better, really. Don't let it get the better of you - think of all the good stuff (I'm sure you do all this already!) - your lovely kids, your stupendously wonderful sister and of course your special mumsie who loves you so much. xxxxxx hugs xxxxx

Love that photo of all the grandkids. I hope the granny in question appreciates it.

Chin up sweetie :-)